Crayz9000

Just to kick things off, with a suitable bang. Just make up shit to participate and we'll all try to figure out how to react. Eventually we can turn this into a bloody STGOD, but for now have fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A BASEMENT SOMEWHERE IN PODUNK ARKANSAS

 

 

 

 

 

A pasty-faced teenager dressed in only boxers sat in a grimy chair, its surface caked with whitish residue of indeterminate origin. In front of him was a computer, its screen currently displaying a number of rather disgusting sites in addition to several forums.

 

 

 

"Roflmao," he said aloud as he read someone's reply to one of his posts on a board. "Those idiot trekkies never saw it coming..."

 

 

 

In fact, he was so engrossed with the boards and other sites that he didn't hear the door open directly behind him. However, he couldn't help but notice when his computer suddenly detonated, the monitor showering him with thousands of shards of glass.

 

 

 

"Are you the one who goes by StarDestroyerAvenger?" a bass voice boomed.

 

 

 

Had it been physically possible, the kid would have jumped out of his skin. As it was, he bounced up so fast that his head smacked the beam overhead. A pile of tissues and a bottle of lotion that had been on his lap went crashing to the floor.

 

 

 

"W-what do you want?" He blinked in the sudden light that had flooded the dark basement. From what he could see, the intruder was wearing some sort of orange armor suit with... wait, was that a lambda on his chest? It coldn't be... "Freeman?" he asked in confusion.

 

 

 

"No, I'm not Gordon Freeman you dope. The nick's Crayz9000."

 

 

 

Realization suddenly dawned on the tool's face. "B-but you're from my board!"

 

 

 

In two quick steps the man was towering over the kid. "Who cares? I abhor idiots just like nature abhors a vacuum. And let's face it, you make a pretty pathetic troll. I mean, for someone who thinks they're so superior... you're stooping below what even DarkStar did. The last dumbass I saw who talked like that went by the handle of Cock Rocket."

 

 

 

"What are you talking about?" Panic was quickly taking hold.

 

 

 

"It's payback time," Crayz9000 said. StarDestroyerAvenger barely had time to try screaming before duct tape was slapped over his mouth and a sack thrown over his head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SOMEWHERE IN THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS

 

NEAR DENVER, COLORADO

 

ABOUT 12 HOURS LATER

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Commander" Raynor RayCav surveyed his underground lair with pride. Using technology stolen from various interstellar travellers, he had assembled a pretty impressive war fleet that could strike fear into the hearts of millions. Not that he would use it for such, of course. He had also managed to get cloning technology and currently had his own personal harem of identical buxom Asian girls waiting for him. Dominating the world could wait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ISTANBUL, TURKEY

 

SAME TIME

 

 

 

The kid known in some circles as StarDestroyerAvenger woke up from his foggy haze and found himself on an airplane. He looked out the window, but couldn't figure out where he was, so he leaned back and relaxed for a moment, but then the PA chimed.

 

 

 

"This is the Captain speaking. We are beginning our final descent into Istanbul. Please return your seat backs and tray tables to the upright position..."

 

 

 

About fifteen minutes later, when he got off the plane and had to go through customs, one of the drug-sniffing dogs discovered that he had packets of cocaine sewn into his clothing. Less than an hour had passed before he found himself in a dark Turkish prison, sitting across the table from a smelly policeman.

 

 

 

"Who do you work for?" he asked.

 

 

 

"I told you, I don't know!" the kid shouted.

 

 

 

"You won't get out of here until you tell us!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

INTERNET CAFE

 

ATHENS, GREECE

 

THE NEXT DAY

 

 

 

 

 

Crayz9000 suppressed a smirk as he keyed the final command into the terminal. As his finger pressed the Enter key, the command shot out across the internet only to bounce through about a hundred different compromised computers in China, eventually finding its way across the US to Colorado. From there, it went through to a computer in a typical suburban house before being re-encoded and transmitted over subspace frequencies to RayCav's lair.

 

 

 

Minutes later, several things changed in the base. Missiles suddenly went to alert status, and blast doors began to open up. Several seconds after that, the missile engines fired, blasting them out of the silos.

 

 

 

RayCav was surprised from a sound sleep by the warning klaxons as his base's entire complement of missiles launched. He looked around him, but all he could see were the identical Asian girls that were wrapped around him.

 

 

 

Then the klaxons stopped and a broadcast began. Unknown to RayCav, the same broadcast was happening all across the world.

 

 

 

"People of Earth: we are the Disciples of Wong. We have begun the systematic destruction of your planet's puny defenses, using highly advanced technology. Even now, the missiles will be destroying your primitive nuclear silos..."

 

 

 

"Oh crap," RayCav muttered. This wasn't what he had in mind at all.

Yo, wazzup, how's the shit, and all that jazz. I'm just here for the booze and hookers.

 

 

 

*ahem*

 

 

 

About the only thing that I'd be interested in are the STGODs. SDN just hasn't been able to really capture them, and there are too many roleplayers from Spacebattles and other long-time forums that just never "got" the Usenet-style free-for-all that was the ASVS STGOD. Too much structure, too much rulemongering before the games even began -- and then every game just wound up turning into a big argument over the rules. Screw that.

 

 

 

I'm still working on my nine-year-old fanfic... and wouldn't mind posting it here if there's interest in it.

 

 

 

Finally, don't try to get me involved in the versus debates, I've kind of had it with the shit that goes on. As far as I'm concerned, it's over and done with -- Trek won't be going anywhere for a while and neither will Wars, so the two universes are pretty much static now. Wars is at one level, Trek is at another -- and aside from a few random one-shot superweapons, there's a pretty significant difference in firepower between the two. You know what? I kind of like it that way. There are only a few areas that haven't been debated to death already, which I might casually participate in, but other than that, not very interested. I might post essays from time to time in the pure Star Wars or Star Trek sections, but that's all.