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Classic_Forever

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Posts posted by Classic_Forever

  5. Posted

    Oh, Mike Wong's love for his large American car, that midnight blue beauty he loved so much because it exemplified everything he loves about the big, powerful American car. That it had a big, thirsty V8 was all that mattered, nevermind that it only put out 215 horsepower and that my mom's Korean SUV literally makes 30 more HP than that. And it was big, and it was hulking, and it made statements he wished to advertise about his "big" penis, and advertise it he indeed loves to do, which is why he makes sure that Rebecca can never shut up about "Bam," for a man's dildos are indeed truly representative of his penis. And that this big, hulking car would be the safest vehicle in any sort of automotive mishap, as this well-trained and superior-educated engineer can tell you, that indeed, size is everything. Nevermind the heresy of the Insurance Institute of Highway Safety and their blasphemous ignorance of such basic laws of mass, for their claims of these Ford dinosaurs being amongst the most unsafe cars sold in North America due to extremely shitty side impact protection is merely an affront to all that is logical. And nevermind the fact that these were pretty much literally overgrown Pintos, for those who die for the Wong will ascend to Athiest Heaven, to bask in glory with their promised allotment of 72 Wongs, for Wong is truly all that is needed to achieve happiness - that and shitty large cars that only old people drive. And what better way to die than in a fiery blaze in the chosen Chariot of Wong? And nevermind the fact that the only reason why these cars are still made is because Police and Middle Eastern cabbies need something to haul around smelly douchebags in, for that is exactly the purpose it fulfills when in the service of Wong, for it is indeed a Chariot of Logical Perfection!

     

     

     

    Yes, all hail the Grand Marquis, the Chariot of Perfection, with its maldesigned side impact beams, its dangerously placed fuel tank, its anemic, oversized embarrassment of an engine, and its proud status as the Chosen One to be splashed in bright yellow and nondescript white to perform those vital and civic duties! All hail the Grand Marquis and scorn the Subie, despite its superior engineering in nearly every conceivable statistic, is but a car for the Heathen, for as we all know, Wong is more likely than not the product of a Jap Kamikazie Pilot and a Chinese "comfort woman" so he probably has some hidden issues with that too.

     

     

     

    800px-1998-02_Mercury_Grand_Marquis.jpg

     

     

     

    RIP Mike Wong's Midnight Blue Grand Marquis!

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